Grief is defined as “deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.”

This definition, although technically true, doesn’t quite reflect the magnitude of grief. It fails to capture the completely overwhelming feelings of loss, emptiness, and despair that accompany grief. It lacks the depth and tremendous strength that come from a lifelong relationship with grief. Because the truth is, grief doesn’t always go away. It will shrink, shapeshift, grow, and then shrink again because when we have loved something deeply and then lost it, it changes us.

We all go through grief at one stage of life or another, and it's a universal experience that we can find connection in.

We’d like to share some reminders for anyone experiencing grief right now, especially during this time after the Holidays; when family and friends have gone back to their lives and you may be feeling like your pain has been forgotten.

Finding a safe space to openly express your grief is an important part of processing those feelings and ultimately being able to move through them. You may choose to find that safe space through community and having people that are able to empathize with what you are experiencing, which can help you to feel less alone. Some options are to join a support group, reach out to a friend or family member that has had the same experience, or speak with a grief counselor. Even schedule time each day to express it if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the needs of day to day life and unsure of where to put your grief.

Surround yourself with loved ones that will allow you to simply be. Oftentimes those experiencing grief want their loved ones to think they “have it all together” and are “fine” because they don’t want to be met with pity/sympathy, or the heaviness of talking about their loss all of the time. This can leave you feeling isolated, and actually increase feelings of sadness and depression. Maybe you don't even do anything except watch a movie, but just having someone there with you can bring a sense of comfort.
It's often said that grief is just love with nowhere to go, but you can give some of that love to yourself in big and small ways that feel good to you. On your “good” days you may choose to go on a walk, go for coffee with a friend, get a massage, or cook yourself your favorite meal. On the heavier days you may choose to brush your teeth/wash your face, put on a change of clothes, lightly stretch, journal, or eat a meal (order it in!).

Accept where you are, right here, right now. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to deal with the pain of grief and loss. There is no timeline or “shoulds” in healing. Radical acceptance may feel challenging; there could be pressure to return to work, to “just feel better” or “healed”, or to “suck it up” because the people around you aren’t able to hold space for challenging emotions like grief (also consider that you may be the person not able to hold space for your own emotions). We cannot get rid of our emotions through sheer will or suppression, they will stay with you and manifest in other ways. When we stop fighting our emotions and allow ourselves to feel them, they actually let go much easier. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the grief goes away, but the intense waves of pain may lessen or be shorter over time.

Above all, know that your feelings and experience are valid. Grief and loss are some of the hardest things that you can and will experience as a human. It seeps into every aspect of your life and has very real physical and emotional effects. Even when you feel completely alone in your grief, know that there is support out there.

Sitting with Grief